Dark vs Light

For the past few months I’ve been in a bit of a depression. Ever since Mason was about 4 months old, my energy level and ability to function has been steadily decreasing. I finally reached the point where I was humbled enough to admit I needed help to improve my mental health.

On Wednesday I saw my psychiatrist. We chatted for a bit and he thinks I’m experiencing “breakthrough” depression. My anxiety and depression were being successfully treated, but then I had a baby and other life stresses. That lead to some postpartum depression, which caused those symptoms to “break through” the treatment. He ended up increasing the dose of my antidepressant. Such a simple solution.

I have an appointment with my counselor next week, but I can already feel a huge difference. It’s like somebody walked into my brain and turned on the light. Physically I’m still a little tired, but I have so much more mental energy. Suddenly getting out of bed in the morning isn’t such a monumental task. I’m able to keep up with the dishes and laundry again. I’m excited about lesson planning again, and I have the energy to deal with my 4 year old who desperately needs some guidance on what to do with his sassy attitude.

I’m so grateful for modern medicine. It has helped me so much in my mental health journey, and I know it is an answer to my prayers. Before my psychiatrist increased my dosage, my diet was terrible. Like, really, REALLY atrocious. And I didn’t care. I knew all the junk food and soda wasn’t good for me, but I honestly did not care one bit. I had no energy to care. Now that my brain chemicals are balanced, I have the desire to be healthy. Living without Dr Pepper actually feels like a possibility now.

My psychiatrist gave me some self-care homework: Exercise, and do some artwork. He told me if all I had the energy to do was get into workout clothes and step onto the elliptical, that’s ok. If all I did was get out my sketchbook and scribble a little bit, that’s ok. He said to take baby steps and work on consistency.

I’m happy to report that I’ve done yoga every day since our meeting, and have drawn in my sketchbook almost every day. I’ve also not had a single soda since our meeting, and have been focusing on feeding my body good foods that will give it healthy fuel.

It’s only been 4 days, but the goal is consistency – baby steps. I’m proud of my 4 days of progress, and I pray that I’ll be able to keep it up. I know that I’ll still have ups and downs, but I’m just so relieved and excited to finally see this fog start to clear!

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